Why do I let my parents still control me? I'm 45 and they live 500 miles away. What is wrong with me?

I always feel guilty about any decision I make that doesn't satisfy them. I always cringe or put off telling them the truth if I know they will disagree with my decision. I try to please them if I can....and then I beat myself up inside because I didn't do what I wanted to do. In fact, this minute, I am in the process of a divorce. My ex of 23 yrs. was controlling and verbally/emotionally abusive and neglectful. They know this, but still applaud me staying with him because of the 3 kids.(20,18, and 12) My mom always makes little inuendos or remarks that are subtle but the point gets across. I love my family and am very attached to them but I can't seem to detach from needing their approval. I hate it. Other women can make their own decisions and if their parents don't like it....so what. How can I get that attitude without feeling like I have betrayed my parents.? My father was an alcoholic and I was ually abused by him...obviously my mom was a co-dependent Help!